I want to understand...

...but I SO don't. Last night I was watching the MTV Video Music Awards and I had one thought.

"Hot damn, I'm old."

I mean, I think I'm pretty hip, open minded and "with it" but I've gotta tell you, this new crop of artists is leaving me feeling a bit...em, confused.

Take Slip Knot for example:



Uh, WHAT? I can't even look at this picture without being a little afraid. Okay, a lot afraid. I understand the concept of musicians wearing costumes and ridiculous clothing - after all, I was (and still am) a big fan of hair rock bands and lord knows Twisted Sister ALONE could clean out the entire Bonnie Belle aisle at CVS. But there's a difference between wearing a little blush and Lip Smacker, and dressing like the Spawn of Satan. These guys look like they want to eat my kidneys (and your kidneys) and like they wouldn't think twice of killing bunnies and voting Republican. EVIL, I SAY.

Okay, I can't even look at this anymore because it's freaking me out. Let's move on to something else I can't understand:



Oh Lil' Wayne. What's with the teeth? And the forehead tattoo? And the fact that it seems you don't like wearing shirts or pants that fit when you perform? I don't understand anything about Lil Wayne but I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to. I'm not what we marketers call his "target demographic." Obviously his target demo is white men, ages 16-40, who grew up in the suburbs and have never actually BEEN to the inner city but have seen Boyz In Da Hood like TEN TIMES, DUDE. Men like Michael Phelps who says he listens to Lil' Wayne before a race. Oh really, Phelpsy? Do you feel you can relate to stuff like this:

Because the cops is watchin' the streets is talkin'
Ya hoes is unfaithful, ya family ungreatful
Ya ni**az aint loyal, you ni**az aint lawyers
And everybody saw you and ain't that a bitch!


I think not.

How about these guys? Tokio Hotel?




First of all, I hate HATE when people misspell things on purpose. Would it have hurt them to go with TokYo Hotel? Why Tokio? Is that supposed to be cute? (maybe I'm not as hip as I thought considering I've just turned into the Grammar Police) Second, I wonder how much Aqua Net was required to get that dude's hair to stick up like that? And also, I thought the goth look was out? Is this still considered the goth look? What IS this look? (other than horrible and slightly douchey looking, which is obvious.)

Sigh...

I'm so, SO confused.