Somebody make it stop...

Today I heard the WORST song ever. Okay maybe not EVER but it's definitely on my list of least favorite songs of all time. (along with Loving You by Minnie Riperton and Love To Love You, Baby by the usually fabulous Donna Summer...they're like nails on a chalkboard to me. But if I may digress for a moment, if you haven't seen the video for Love To Love You, Baby please do click on the link above...what the F is that guy doing? Interpretive dance? In white spandex? Yikes. As my mother would say, "Spandex is a privilege.")

Anywho, back to today - the latest song making me cringe is I Hate This Part by The Pussycat Dolls. I can only embed their New Years performance of the song so here it is:



OH MY GOD, STOP IT NOW.

The song is called I Hate This Part which is ironic because that's exactly what I was thinking for approximately 90% of the song. Especially the chorus:

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't wanna try now
All that's left is good-bye
To find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

When did it become okay for song writers to stop having - oh, I don't know - compelling lyrics?

First of all, I want to tell the guy in this song to put on his big girl panties and stop crying. She dumped you dude. Yes, it was probably because of something you did, and no you can't fix it...MOVE ON. And as for the trollop heart breaker, FINE, we GET IT. You hate it. I hate a lot of things - The Jonas Brothers, honey mustard, people who say "for all intensive purposes" instead of "intents and purposes"...but you know what? You suck it up and complain about it on your blog. STOP IT. STOP IT NOW.

Sigh. Breathe in, breathe out.

I was just stuck in LA traffic for an hour and 15 minutes and I'm cranky. And I'm taking my crankiness out on the Pussycat Dolls who I usually secretly love even though I totally question the school of thought that they're all about promoting female empowerment. Because come on, there is NOTHING empowering about not wearing pants in public (hello! one of the most popular nightmares EVER) or about red vinyl suffocating your lady parts.



Lady parts need to breathe too, you know?

Help me...

Don't you hate it when you get a song stuck in your head? Don't you hate it even more when it's a song like this:



Make it stop. Make it stop, PLEASE.

Yet another interesting blog of the week...

I really like the site "Childhood Memories Of Yours" which encourages readers to submit their own.

I think my favorites would include the time I shoved a Cheerio up my little sister's nose (sorry, Monika...okay, not really) or the time my older sister insisted on keeping her t-shirt on when jumping off our boat and into the water...the shirt caught on the hook used to tie the boat to the dock and she was left dangling like a puppet with just her toes touching the water. She spent a good 10 minutes trying to disentangle herself before anyone would notice but eventually had to call out for help. Oh good times! (sorry, Michelle...okay again, not really)

Oh, I'm also pretty fond of the time I stole the notary stamp from my high school secretary's desk, and wrote a notarized letter from my mom saying it was okay for me to get my bellybutton pierced. (you had to be over 18 to do it without parental permission) My mom eventually found out about the piercing when my sister shouted "Ask her how her bellybutton is healing!" And let me just tell you, Mom was NOT happy. (I believe the words "trailer trash" were bandied about but I have blocked the entire experience from my memory)

Now you see why I don't feel bad about retelling the t-shirt, boat dangling story? :)

Blog of the week...

I've shared this one with numerous friends but it's too good not to post here!

SP Studio is a German (Dutch? Indian? What country's flag IS that?) web site that allows you to turn yourself (and others) into a South Park character. Trust me...this is fun for HOURS!

Once a squid, always a squid.

My friend Emma and I have had this conversation numerous times and I'm curious to get the blogosphere's perspective on this issue. It all goes back to one basic ideal: that in friendship, like in war and the Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale, there are rules of engagement. Yes, yes...I realize this sounds a bit "90210" (the original one...I don't know who all these skinny 12 year olds think they're kidding) but it's really very simple.

Example #1: you never date a friend's ex.

RIGHT?! I mean, DUH. It's common sense. Another rule is the classic example #2: you always tell your friend when she has spinach in her teeth, toilet paper on her shoe or puke in her hair. (okay, that last one was from my college days but it's still good advice.)

Example #3: you do not befriend your friend's mortal enemy. Now I recently had a friend (former friend) break this rule. This former friend chose to attach herself to the hip of my nemesis, a woman who made my life hell for a year and who I consider to be up there with Fran Drescher and Lindsay Lohan's leggings obsession as one of the most annoying things occurring in nature. Sure, it's slightly immature - why should I care if two sketchy people find happiness in out-obnoxious-ing each other? I should just get over it. And I totally am. Sort of.

But that's actually not what I want your opinion on, fair reader. It does, however, allow for easy segue into the topic I reference in the title of this post. A squid. Now, I didn't develop the name "squid" - that was how a very wise journalist described this phenomena in a recently article.

A squid is a person who too quickly gloms on to your friends, attempting to forge his or her own relationships, cutting you out of the equation. For example, a friend of mine was scheduled to have drinks with a work-girlfriend and, at the last minute, invited a third woman to join them. The next day the third woman (the squid) emailed the work-girlfriend to set up another round of cocktails, this time excluding my gal pal who made the introduction to begin with.

Now it's one thing when you've spent enough time with a person to have developed your own rapport and an actual relationship. But the squid operates differently. The squid is the psychological equivalent of licking every Oreo in the pack to claim them all for yourself. (heartless bastard, that just ain't right...see what I mean?!?)

So tell me friends. Should we add Rule #4: No squidding of your friend's friends to the list? Or are WE the ones licking the Oreos, and selfishly trying to hoard all our friends for our own evil purposes? (And you know what? If that's wrong, I don't wanna be right.)

Interesting site of the week...

I'm slightly skeeved out by this web site but my fiancee heard about it on NPR this morning and I thought I'd share.

Property Room is a police auction site. Things that they've confiscated from "alleged"(see how legally savvy I am?) criminals are posted on this site and you can bid on them.

Why does it skeeve me out? Because I just know that I'd buy a ring hiding a stolen diamond or map to 300 kilos of coke or secret formula that the "criminals" would come after me for. I can't take that risk, people. I have so much to live for.

Oh sure, I know what you're thinking. "Girl, you read too many cheesy airport novels." Well you're right but things happen to me that just don't happen to other people. And I can't take that chance.

But you...you should TOTALLY buy something pretty and tell me all about it.

Long awaited post...

OMG ya'll. How is it almost January? Seriously. Because I'm fairly certain it was January like, I don't know, four days ago. My last New Years hangover feels like just yesterday and already it's time to prepare for the next one. (read: stockpile Gatorade, dump the Advil into a candy dish, and have McDonald's delivery service on speed dial)

I love the holidays. I love Christmas shopping and decorations, wrapping presents, singing carols, stuffing my face with turkey, and temporarily cold weather. There's just one thing the holidays bring that I don't love. And that's the weird vortex that sucks away all your free time. I know I'm popular but sweet lord I'm not THAT popular. And yet with all the holiday preparations, work commitments, family commitments, travel planning and whatnot I haven't even been able to pick up my wedding dress which has been ready since Wednesday. MY WEDDING DRESS, PEOPLE! This is serious.

I mean sure I also haven't picked up my dry cleaning or dropped off my new eye glass prescription. But having my hot pink sweater hanging in the closet and being able to see aren't NEARLY as important as the friggin' dress to end all dresses.

Alright, alright. I'm not THAT busy. I have spent the past 30 minutes YouTube-ing videos like this one:



But still.

So I apologize for not writing in awhile. I've been busy buying, serving and drinking enough wine to overflow the Hoover Dam and wrapping gifts 'til the paper cuts overtake my tiny fingers. And you know what? I can't wait to do it again! So until next time please accept the following fun new blogs as my holiday gift to you:

Cute Things Falling Asleep

and my sister's new Mommy Blog, The Shelfer Show. (it's new so give her some time to get with the photo/video upload program...and do pass along to your FWBs...friends with babies.)

Happy holidays dear readers! And a happy new year!